The Gentlemen Factor  By: Phil Wong

People have been emailing me saying they miss my love greater than thou articles that I wrote a lot of last year. It’s not like I have a library of the stuff at home and I just pull it out of thin air. I need inspiration to write a good article that everyone can relate to. I talk to a lot of women to get their insights on love and dating and ask them what they want and need. You think you may have it bad? Try being male and living in the Bay Area; seriously, we are at a serious female deficit. I think it may be at an all time low. Given I’m 31 now and my chances are low as it is, but really! Ever go clubbing or bar hopping in the city? At almost every club, male to female ratio is like 15 dudes to one girl. Talk about a cockfest, it’s pretty damn sad that every promoter has to let girls in for free most of the night and mediocre women get like way more attention than they deserve. Then you go to a nice fancy restaurant and you see this gorgeous Asian woman having dinner with this funky looking white dude. I don’t have a problem with inter-racial dating, but if the guys is easily 10 years her senior, 14 strands of hair on the left side of his head and maybe 12 on the other side, and more than one spare tire around the waist, I wonder what the hell is wrong with my Asian brothers?

After some careful research and asking women I knew, I realized that Asian men lack two key ingredients: passion and attention. Some people might think it’s because of money or social status, but in the long term it really doesn’t hold water. Sure, who wants to date an unemployed loser that’s gonna scrub and make her pay for everything. But it’s not just money, or stage in life, or even looks for that matter; it is a combination of everything. Attraction does matter, no doubt, so this having a stable source of income, ambition, goals, and all that. As per my last article on love, attention matters a lot. Even from your own perspective, don’t you want her to be attentive to you? The key element from a consensus of women is that men just don’t have the gentlemen factor.

This goes back to being romantic and attentive. Women like it when you hold the door open for them; pull out their chair at the dinner table, or even something as simple as unfolding their dinner napkin and placing it on their lap. Some might argue that you’re invading their space or being too nice, but seriously it is the little stuff like that they do notice. Show up at their door with some flowers or candy, or perhaps both. It sounds a bit traditional and old-fashioned, but it will set you apart from most other men. Order for her, but don’t decide what she should eat, ask and discuss the selection beforehand and make it a point to say words like lady and thank you. When the bill comes, insist paying, don’t just offer. She might make more than you, but who cares, if you can’t afford to take her to dinner than don’t bother going at all. Even if the date doesn’t go well, her perception of you will always be positive. Once out the door, even if its freezing and you are as cold as she is, take off your jacket and drape it across her shoulders. Trust me on this, it works. When the ratio sucks and she’s dating just a many guys as you have toes, you need to set yourself apart from the other guys.

DOs
Bring Flowers and/or Candy
Wait outside the restroom for her
Hold the door for her
Be very polite & courteous
Insist on paying Ask her to pay half
Put some effort into the date
Treat her like you want to be treated

DON’Ts
Bring last nights takeout
Pretend she’s one of the boys
Let the door hit her in the face
Cuss or swear
Dinner & a movie too typical
Treat her like your ex

Just simple thing like this could really make a difference in how she feels about you and you need to score points early on. Something as simple as being polite and courteous to the server and those around you makes you just that much more special. Walk her to the restroom even if you don’t have to go, it’s not like she’s going to get lost, but remember everything you do is the thought that counts. Before I wrap this up, there are several key things you need to remember never to do, under any circumstance.