D.A.M.S [Dumb Ass Male Syndrome]  By: Phil Wong

Your in the midst of an exciting game of Counter Strike, your Nokia cell phone rings, you look down and see the words HuNnIe blinking. You answer the phone, "Yeah baby?" She says, "Umm hunny, can you come pick me up at the mall?" "Right now?" you reply. Looking at the time, you realize its 5 o'clock on the dot and if you leave now you would be stuck in traffic for years. Wait a minute, how did she get to the damn mall in the first place? "Baby, how you get to the mall?" you ask. "Umm… mmm… well see Mike locked his keys in the car and I have to go home and watch Angel." Mike? Who the hell is Mike, and why is he taking your girlfriend to the mall? "Oh! Umm who is Mike?" "Oh he's nobody; he is just Cindy's brother's best friend. Gave us a ride." Oh that explains it, umm wait… Cindy lives like 5 minutes from the mall, why didn't she call Cindy's brother? Well I'm thinking too much, probably just nothing. "Hunny? Hunny? You there? You gonna come pick me up?" "Umm… yea I'll be there." DAM! The game was just getting good too.

The above case happens to us everyday all around the country. I aptly name that D.A.M.S, stands for Dumb Ass Male Syndrome. A friend recently mentioned that guys should come with remote controls; well girls should definitely come with user manuals. They tell you one thing, and you pretty well know it means something completely different but you go ahead and do it anyway. "Hunny, can I go clubbing with the guys Friday night? It's John's birthday." "Isn't John you playa friend?" "Uh no, he's reformed now, he has a girlfriend." "Sureee… go with them, I don't mind. Have fun." What she is saying is, yeah go with them, but don't expect me to talk to you for the rest of the weekend, and yes my friends will be there and they will tell me exactly who you were dancing with. So you go, you have a great time, you give her a call, maybe 10 calls, and she doesn't pick up. After leaving up teen voicemails, you wonder why she doesn't answer, considering she said it was ok for you go and even told you to have fun. WTF?

The next scenario applies to too many of us. You find out ahead of time that your girl is going out with "her" friends tonight. You find out she's heading to this one club, so of course you go to another. After hanging out with the homies for a couple of hours, you sorta miss her. So you call her, and she's telling you how boring it is, and asks you to come by if you want. So you search the club for the homies, promising them drinks if they all go with you to her club. You finally gather them all and head for the car. You arrive at her club, you see her homies, but where is she? Finally you spot her across the room dancing with some dude. A closer look and you see her in this spectacular dress, how come she never wears that when she's out with you? You don't want to go up to her, in fear to be accused of spying, so you chill and pretend you don't care. Inside you're all twisted up, but DAM you can't let her see that. Then you see her walk off the dance floor, hand in hand with the dude. WTF? She finally sees you, comes up to give you a hug, and you smile pretend its no big deal. You offer a drink, and casually you ask, "Who's that guy?" "Oh he's just a friend," she replies. Uh huh, tall good looking dude dancing with a girl in a tight-ass dress, holding hands, sure. Then she flashes you one of her killer smiles, "I missed you." What goes through your mind, tell me, tell me the truth. Wow, she misses me! The dude, who minutes ago, was tangoing with your baby is now gone from your mind.

The Dumb Ass Male Syndrome applies to everybody, no matter what a playa or ladies man you think you are, one time or another you have experienced it. Let's look at the symptoms:
1. No matter what she does, one smile or hug just seems to make it all better.
2. You feel so special with her that nothing else really matters, no matter how many cancellations or excuses she pulls, you're still happy.
3. You take her to a five star restaurant, took you months to make a reservation, and she tells you that you are a good friend. You tell yourself that everyone starts off as friends and at least you are a good friend as compared to just a friend.
4. You save for months to get her a real nice gift for Valentines Day, she smiles and gives you a mug that says "I Love Las Vegas."
5. Your friends, co-workers, and above all your instincts are screaming, "She's playing you, leading you on, drop it and move on." Yet you still linger and hope that one that day she will be yours.

It happens, there is no rule of thumb, nor is there a cure. There comes a time in every man's life that you get played. There will always be that one girl you couldn't get and you just got to take it like a man, and admit that at least you tried. Life goes on right? Oh well… peace.